That’s Not Confidence — It’s Disrespect | And It’s Ruining Your Relationship

 If you have to embarrass someone to feel powerful, that's not confidence—that's contempt. 

When Disrespect Gets Mistaken for Confidence

What if some of the behaviors our culture celebrates as "confidence" are actually destroying our relationships?

💜 Eye rolling.
💜 Talking over people.
💜 Public correction.
💜 Sarcasm disguised as honesty.
💜 A constant need to prove a point.

Today, many women are being told that these behaviors are signs of strength, independence, and self-respect. But Sis, confidence and contempt are not the same thing.

And when disrespect becomes a communication style, it slowly erodes trust, emotional safety, connection, and attraction—often without us realizing it.

Continuing with the Communication with Men Series, in this episode, we're having an honest conversation about the subtle ways disrespect can show up in relationships and why it impacts men more deeply than many women understand. We'll unpack the difference between healthy confidence and relational contempt, explore the emotional roots behind defensive communication, and discuss what it looks like to communicate with both strength and grace.

💜 True confidence doesn't humiliate.
💜 It doesn't belittle.
💜 It doesn't dominate.

It communicates truth with maturity, wisdom, and respect.

If you've ever wondered why certain conversations keep turning into conflict, why attraction feels strained, or how to express yourself without damaging connection, this episode is for you.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

✔ The critical difference between confidence and contempt

✔ Why eye rolling, sarcasm, dismissiveness, and public correction are more damaging than most people realize

✔ How disrespect quietly weakens trust, attraction, and emotional safety

✔ Why respect matters deeply in masculine-feminine relationship dynamics

✔ The hidden emotional wounds that often fuel defensive or hostile communication

✔ How to disagree, correct, and express concerns without dishonoring your partner

✔ What emotionally mature, feminine communication looks like in real life

✔ Practical ways to communicate with confidence while protecting connection

Scriptures Referenced

📖 Ephesians 4:29 — “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”

📖 Proverbs 14:1 — “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

📖 1 Peter 3:4 — “…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Resources

💜 The Relationship Red Flag Journal by Lindsay Brown

A spirit-led tool to help Christian women discern clearly, journal honestly, and make wise relationship decisions.  ➡️ Get Your Copy on Amazon

 Makes a beautiful gift for a friend walking through a similar season.

 Want to support the show? 

🎧 Subscribe. Share. And get ready to rise.

💜Sunshine… if you’re listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, leave a rating + review and tell me what hit you the most.

📲 Follow & Connect:

💜 Facebook: thelindsay.brown
💜 Instagram: @sunshinewhy
💜 Join the SunshineWhy Community:  Subscribe at Sunshine Why™

Keep your light on and your standards high. Thank you for listening. Enjoy today!

Transcript

Communication With Men Series | Episode 4

That's Not Confidence. It's Disrespect | And It's Ruining Your Relationship

Lindsay Brown:

Sunshine,

We need to talk.

Because some of what women are calling confidence isn't confidence at all.

It's disrespect.

And Sunshine, it's getting out of hand.

Eye rolling.

Talking over men.

Mocking.

Embarrassing him publicly.

Walking away while he's still speaking.

Overriding him in front of children.

Correcting him in front of family.

And then calling it:

"I'm just being real."

No.

You're not being real.

You're not being confident either.

You're reacting.

And there's a difference.

Because confidence doesn't need to humiliate.

Confidence doesn't need to interrupt.

Confidence doesn't need to prove who's smarter.

Emotionally mature women know how to communicate truth without creating unnecessary damage.

And somehow along the way, our culture started confusing disrespect with empowerment.

But Sunshine, disrespect isn't strength.

It's relational poison.

And it's self-inflicted.

Today we're talking about why respect matters, how contempt destroys relationships, and why some women are sabotaging the very love they're asking God to send.

You're listening to The Sunshine Why Show with Lindsay Brown.

Hey Sunshine, welcome back to The Sunshine Why Show, the official podcast of the Sunshine Why Movement.

I'm your host, Lindsay Brown.

And around here, we teach women how to stop misbehaving in relationships.

Not because we're shaming women.

But because emotional maturity requires self-awareness.

We teach women how to communicate with clarity, embrace their femininity, and walk confidently in their God-given worth.

Because healing isn't just about recognizing what others have done to us.

It's also about being honest about the ways we sometimes contribute to our own relationship struggles.

Be honest.

If you've been with me since Sunshine, Why Would You Do That?, then you already know one of our core beliefs:

Healing requires honesty.

We're growing up.

Glowing up.

And letting go of the chaos that we keep chasing.

Here's What We're Unpacking

• Why disrespect is destroying relationships
• The difference between confidence and contempt
• Why some women communicate with hostility
• Why respect matters deeply to men
• How emotionally mature women disagree without dishonoring

And before we go any further, let me be clear.

Respect does not mean tolerating abuse.

It does not mean staying silent.

It does not mean accepting manipulation, control, intimidation, or mistreatment.

Healthy relationships require respect from both people.

Today's conversation is about everyday communication habits that quietly damage connection—not situations involving abuse or safety concerns.

And Sunshine, this conversation might step on some toes.

But healing requires honesty.

Disrespect Isn't Confidence

Many women today believe strength means dominance.

That if they aren't challenging, correcting, interrupting, or controlling a man, somehow they're weak.

But emotionally mature women understand something different.

Strength doesn't need hostility.

Relationship research shows that contempt is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown.

Contempt looks like:

• Mockery
• Disgust
• Dismissiveness
• Eye rolls
• Sarcasm
• Belittling
• Public humiliation

And they all communicate one message:

"I'm above you."

That's why it's so destructive.

You may not think an eye roll matters.

But it communicates:

"You're beneath me."

You may not think talking over him matters.

But it communicates:

"What you have to say doesn't matter."

You may not think publicly correcting him matters.

But it communicates:

"I don't respect you."

Eventually, those small moments become deep wounds.

Because relationships are rarely destroyed by one giant explosion.

They're usually damaged by thousands of tiny emotional paper cuts.

Sunshine Story

Let me tell you about Sunshine and Andre.

They were at a family cookout.

Their son started running close to the grill.

Andre calmly said:

"Hey buddy, stay away from the grill."

Simple.

Normal.

Reasonable.

But before the child could respond, Sunshine jumped in.

"Oh my gosh, he's fine. Stop being so dramatic."

People laughed.

Andre smiled awkwardly.

Then got quiet.

The conversation moved on.

But something shifted.

And Sunshine didn't think anything of it.

Until later that night.

Andre seemed distant.

Disconnected.

Eventually he said:

"You make me feel small in front of people."

Whew.

That one hurt.

Because Sunshine loved him.

She wasn't trying to humiliate him.

But that's exactly what happened.

And this is where many women get it wrong.

Intent and impact are not the same thing.

You may not intend disrespect.

But if your communication repeatedly embarrasses someone, the damage is still real.

The Part Nobody Talks About

Most disrespect doesn't start with arrogance.

It starts with disappointment.

The woman feels unheard.

The man feels criticized.

She gets sharper.

He gets quieter.

She becomes more frustrated.

He becomes more withdrawn.

And both people slowly lose connection.

Sometimes what looks like disrespect on the surface is actually unresolved hurt underneath.

That's why emotional maturity requires more than behavior modification.

It requires healing.

Because if resentment lives in your heart long enough, it eventually shows up in:

• Your tone
• Your facial expressions
• Your sarcasm
• Your impatience

Be aware.

Your communication always reveals what your heart has been rehearsing.

I call it a leak.

You think you're hiding it.

You think you're holding it in.

But eventually it comes out.

Why Some Men Tolerate It

Some men tolerate disrespect for years.

Why?

Fear.

Fear of conflict.

Fear of losing the relationship.

Fear of being alone.

So instead of setting boundaries:

• They appease
• They shrink
• They stay quiet
• They absorb the disrespect

And over time, they lose confidence inside the relationship.

And Sis, that isn't healthy either.

A woman doesn't become feminine by overpowering a man.

And a man doesn't become loving by abandoning self-respect.

Healthy relationships require mutual honor.

Not domination.

Not submission through fear.

Honor.

And to the men listening:

Avoiding conflict isn't leadership either.

Silence doesn't solve resentment.

Healthy men communicate boundaries respectfully and consistently.

Healthy women receive those boundaries.

That's how mutual honor works.

Communication Coaching

What Sunshine Might Say:

"Here you go again."

(Eye roll included.)

What She Could Say:

"Andre, I see that differently. Can we talk about it later?"

What Sunshine Might Do:

Correct him in front of people.

What She Could Do:

Address concerns privately.

What Sunshine Might Say:

"You're being ridiculous."

What She Could Say:

"I understand your concern, but I see it differently."

See the difference?

One humiliates.

One communicates.

One creates defensiveness.

One creates connection.

And here's the beautiful part:

You don't lose your voice when you communicate respectfully.

You become more effective.

Mirror Moment

Sunshine,

How do you communicate when you're frustrated?

Do you communicate?

Or do you dominate?

Do your facial expressions communicate respect?

Or contempt?

Do you correct privately?

Or perform publicly?

And here's the deeper question:

Have you become so accustomed to harshness that it now feels normal?

Who taught you that respect equals weakness?

Where did you learn that softness is dangerous?

Who convinced you that being heard requires being harsh?

Because sometimes the communication habits we defend are actually survival mechanisms we never healed from.

And healing requires honesty.

Biblical Truth

Ephesians 4:29

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up."

Building.

Not humiliating.

Not mocking.

Building.

Proverbs 14:1

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

Contempt tears relationships down.

Wisdom builds them.

1 Peter 3:4

"The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

A gentle spirit is not a voiceless spirit.

Jesus was gentle.

And Jesus was direct.

Gentleness isn't the absence of strength.

It's strength under control.

Not silent.

Not weak.

Emotionally grounded.

Calm.

Secure.

Mature.

Coaching Moment

You can be strong without being harsh.

You can disagree without being disrespectful.

You can communicate concerns without humiliating someone.

That's emotional maturity.

That's feminine wisdom.

And that's the kind of woman who creates peace instead of chaos.

Not because she's perfect.

But because she's intentional.

Sunshine PSA

Eye rolling isn't communication.

Public humiliation isn't confidence.

And constantly overriding a man in front of children doesn't make you powerful.

It makes the relationship unstable.

Respect is not weakness.

It's wisdom.

Weekly Challenge

For the next seven days, remove one habit:

One eye roll.

One interruption.

One sarcastic comment.

One public correction.

Just one.

Not because you're trying to become perfect.

But because you're becoming intentional.

An intentional woman creates healthier relationships.

As you move through the week, ask yourself:

"Would I feel respected if someone spoke to me this way?"

Then make one intentional adjustment.

And watch what changes.

Outro & Prayer

Today we talked about:

• Why disrespect destroys relationships
• The psychology of contempt
• Why unresolved hurt often becomes disrespect
• Why some men tolerate unhealthy treatment
• How emotionally mature women communicate with respect
• Why healthy love requires mutual honor

Let's pray.

Father God,

Help Sunshine communicate with wisdom, grace, and emotional maturity.

Heal any pride, resentment, disappointment, or hurt that creates harshness in her relationships.

Teach her how to disagree with respect.

How to build instead of tear down.

And how to communicate with both truth and love.

Help her become the kind of woman whose words create healing, safety, and connection.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

If this episode blessed you, make sure you subscribe, share it with someone, and leave a comment below.

Tell me:

What's one communication habit you're working on this week?

I'd love to hear from you.

And remember, Sunshine:

Respect isn't weakness.

It's wisdom.

And emotionally mature women don't have to diminish people to demonstrate strength.

Until next time, Sunshine—keep your light on and your standards high.

Real Talk. Real Growth. Real You.